Banter - it's a fascinating word that's been bandied around incessantly in the past week or so. It's also a term I frequently hear when I'm booking someone for dissent or threatening to send someone off for using abusive language. It's also been the excuse used by supporters of Gray and Keys, as they tried to defend the indefensible comments made by the two men last weekend.
Well let me tell you what "banter" is in the eyes of footballers.
Banter is telling an opposing player, "I fucked your wife last night" or "I'm going to stab you after the game" or "I hope you die of cancer." Ho Ho Ho, very funny eh? This is sick footballing humour that has been finessed at the more senior professional levels of our game and is commonly used on the parks around England every weekend. I was once reffing my 16-year-old son in a Kent Youth League game (I know I shouldn't have been but the ref didn't turn up). He'd only just broken into the team but came up to me after half an hour and said he wanted to be subbed because he was going to punch the opposing centre half who was making all the above comments to him. Only it wasn't his wife, but his Mum.
When footballers are together, they have little respect for anything, especially for women. They're too cosseted to be ordered to change their behaviour unless it goes beyond the extremely low standards footballers are expected to adhere to. What's interesting about Gray and Keys is that they have tried to insert themselves into this bubble of footballing celebrity by adopting similar language and standards.
I'm not surprised by Gray. As a footballer he was thuggish, all elbows and fists. And this battering ram mentality - stuffed inside smart clothes - continued in the commentary box. Keys is the more disappointing. He should have known better but it was clear he was desparately trying to impress the mega-wealthy footballers and ex-players who surrounded him.
But at the heart of the issue is what is and what is not socially acceptable. It is NOT acceptable to threaten to kill your opponents or to make grotesquely sexist remarks. That is NOT banter. It's insults, threats, call it what you will, anything but banter. Banter is a light-hearted exchange that amuses. Teasing is about as far it should go. No further.
Referees around Britain have been lighting up specialist message boards in celebration this week that they will no longer have to face ill-informed trial by Andy Gray every weekend. Gray's views on offside were broadly speaking that it shouldn't exist, that goalhanging should still be OK.
Well it was refreshing to see this week that there is some justice in the world.
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